Who God Wants Me to Be

I had a couple of interviews this week for a District Executive position for the Boy Scouts of America.  Wow!  What a great opportunity.  I've been looking for a job that has reasonable hours, is flexible, and pays enough to support the family while I start on a master's degree.  I grew up in scouts and highly respect the organization.  At first glance--for me--it would be a dream job.  After two interviews, I'm not sure if it is a great fit or not, but what I learned along the way is extremely valuable.  It is amazing how our God works.  He confirms to us through a multitude of ways what He wants us to hear.


The Boy Scout position was explained to me as a front man position strongly dependent on seeking funding through donations and improving membership through recruitment at schools.  If you are an A-Team fan--It's Faceman.  I happen to be watching a lot of A-Team these days so that's the best way I can explain it.  Look it up if you don't know.  Ultimately, I am not a "Faceman."  It's important to know who you are and who you aren't and I have certainly come to this conclusion.


What I have really been working on and what God has been helping me with is that it is okay to be me. I know, I know...go ahead and take your finger out of your mouth because of that last statement.  Sounds a little bit like our buddy Stuart Smalley from Saturday Night Live.

But what is even more important than knowing it's okay to be me is that I know I am who God wants me to be.  I think I have struggled my entire life with this important fact.  Am I who God wants me to be?


Normally, before an interview I am absolutely crazy thinking about how I am going to respond to questions.  I try to predict what he or she might ask and the kind of answer he or she wants to hear.  Today was different.


I started my day by reading my bible and praying.  I have been trying to do this everyday and I truly believe it is a great way to hear God speak to you.  I really felt a peace about this interview even though I knew I was not really the ideal candidate.  I didn't try to prepare all my answers.  I just felt God give me a nudge to say, "Just answer the questions truthfully and rely on me for the rest."  I'm sad to say that at 38 years old I am finally learning this lesson, but here I am.  All I want to be is what God intends for me and there is great comfort in knowing that. (TBL)


So let me explain how else God confirmed my desire today.  My mom and I had been discussing Calvinism of all things this week and she came over to watch the kids while I went to the interview.   If you don't know, Calvinism speaks of predestination.  It has great relevance to today's blog not really because of Calvinism, but because my mom wanted to share the commentary in her Life Application Study Bible from Romans 8:28-30.   She and I sat on the front porch talking with each other after my interview.  I explained to her why I wasn't nervous before this interview and that I was completely honest with the interviewer about not being the perfect fit for his position.  You see most of my life I have either tried to match myself to someone else's expectations of me or tried to be something that I'm not.  When really all I need to do is focus on being more like Christ and living solely to do what God knows is best for me.  So after I explained all this to my mom I asked her why she brought her Bible.  She said in her sweet West-Texas accent, "I just wanted to show you what it says about Calvinism."  She went inside to tend to one of the kids or something, so I was alone on the porch and started reading.   The commentary for Romans 8:29 says:

"God's ultimate goal for us is to make us like Christ (1 John 3:2) As we become more and more like him, we discover our true selves, the persons we were created to be.  How can we be conformed to Christ's likeness? By reading and heeding the Word, by studying his life on earth through the Gospels, by being filled with his spirit, and by doing his work in the world." 

Life Application Study Bible Romans 9:29 commentary. 

That passage might as well have been broadcast from a megaphone!  Thank you God for your words and your comfort today.  Thank you for loving me.  Thank you for changing me.  Thank you for giving me another chance to get things right.  Thank you for making things so uncomfortable that I had no choice but to leave my old self behind in Laramie and Omaha and to become who you want me to be.


Okay readers, if you have just a few more minutes listen to the words in the song below.  One morning in Omaha, God woke me up in the middle of the night as I had been struggling with quitting Cabelas and moving to Amarillo.  I read my bible and prayed in the dark hours of the morning but fell back asleep after awhile.  When my alarm went off to wake me up for my day, this song was playing.  It was relatively new at the time and I had not heard it before.  But not only was this song on but the exact moment my alarm went off...this verse was playing:

"So if You say move it's time for me to follow through, and do what I was made to do and show them who You are.  'Cause I don't want to live like I don't care; I don't want to say another empty prayer.  Oh, I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else.  To do what God has called me to do myself.  I could choose not to move--But I refuse."   Josh Wilson--I Refuse 

So if there were a theme song for this whole move from Laramie to Omaha and the subsequent move from Omaha to Amarillo, it would be this...(and thank you Dhari for posting this on my facebook page today!)  Can you believe someone posted this song on my Facebook today?--I didn't know she posted it until I sat down to write this blog.   God is good.  All the time!  Enjoy the song.